Where are we now?

TL:DR Embryo Donation IVF still on hold - our choice ish. Endo still a pain... literally

Everything is done in terms of our prep, as our gorgeous milestone cards say above (check out @thewishfulluxuryshop on Instagram if you want your own). The paperwork is all signed, we have paid, our protocol is in place, we have chosen the embryos and have 2 beautiful day 5 blasts in the freezer. The only thing now is the wait, we have chosen to wait until M is allowed to attend transfer. In our first round of IVF we discussed which appointments were important that he attend with me, these were egg collection and embryo transfer. We didn't make it as far as embryo transfer last time and next time there will be no egg collection but we have our reasons. 

Egg collection because, well mainly because I can't drive home after that and better to get the news together - good or bad. Embryo transfer because, simply, it is the potential conception of our child. It just feels wrong to us both that he isn't there. I know that it won't make any difference long term to our child if he is there or not, I also know that due to the pandemic there are hundreds of women out there carrying on, incredibly bravely, attending alone. Either due to time/age restraints or due to the urge to have a child - both are absolutely ok. For us, we are fortunate enough to be in the position where we have the choice and our decision is that we would rather wait until we can do it together. 

All of that being said, I am desperately impatient and totally disappointed that our clinic isn't allowing partners in. I understand that it is to protect their staff from an increased risk of covid but as they are still seeing me and he and I live together (and kiss on the daily), and we have offered to isolate, have tests done, whatever it takes - still a flat no. It makes an already challenging time even more so and could create a divide in some couples. I hoped with the maternity guidelines being updated in the UK to allow partners to all scans that this would include fertility services but it doesn't seem that this is the case. 

I have approached our clinic on this and they have said it is a space issue and they don't have plans to relax this guideline yet but they are reviewing regularly. I don't blame them, they're doing what they can I'm sure. Here's hoping with announcement tomorrow of the road out of lockdown we are facing the end of all of this soon. There has been too much loss, pain and sadness in the last year thanks to this virus!

In the meantime, my endometriosis does seem to be triggering more than usual lately, and when it hurts it really hurts. I am on my period and wow is it a doozy! The pain started 3 days ago when I started spotting and now is in full, evil swing. We went for a walk earlier, I hoped it would ease things but it's now the most horrendous of pain bands across my abdomen and back, I'm so bloody swollen too I look 6 months pregnant - the irony is not lost on me! Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it, I'm not currently under gynae as all of their solutions require things that aren't very trying to conceive friendly so we wait, I am currently parked on the sofa and think this is me for the night now! Codeine cocktail ahead!