Quite an Update

 It has been a long time since I last wrote, I didn't want to jinx or jeopardise anything, I didn't want to write something I'd dread reading later if things didn't pan out but... they did pan out and we are 12 weeks pregnant! 12+2 to be precise. Our little Pip! (Yes we nicknamed him/her already)

We are elated, so totally and unbelievably over the moon. I'm still disbelieving that this could actually be happening but the morning sickness has been a good reminder. Constant nausea since about 5-6 weeks, occasional insane bouts of vomiting - always fun in the middle of a meal! And first trimester fatigue is no joke! Like slamming in to a wall of tired at full speed; but I am happy to report that symptoms seem to be lessening and I am looking forward to entering trimester 2 and our scan next week.

Tonight we told my step children about Pip, I was terrified. M was nervous but I doubt he would admit it. It has been a pit of anxiety for me for the last few weeks, I know rationally that however they feel is perfectly normal, not wanting another sibling - fine. Worry about losing dad time and jealousies - perfectly natural and understandable but really I love my step children so much and this gorgeous Pip in my tummy too and want more than anything for them to love each other. The kids mums are a different topic entirely and not one I wish to share or remember really. We have a complete contrast between good co-parenting and bad. 

The children most importantly, couldn't have responded better. We explained that the family is growing and they are gaining another brother or sister, that this is something we have thought about very carefully (if only they knew!) - We were clear that however they feel about this news is ok and perfectly normal and we told them that we both are still always here for them no matter what and love them all dearly and always no matter how many of them there are. Their responses were better than I could have hoped. I got hugs from SS13 as he is so happy, his words, he believes this sibling will be his favourite despite protests from the others. SD14 teared up and squealed. They were all discussing names, outfits, decorating the nursery. I got sent a drawing of me holding the baby. Our middle girl is waiting to add things to the Pip jar (more to come about this) and brimming with ideas and our youngest lady is thinking of offering up one of her pride and joy Minnie Mouse teddys because Pip will like it and she'd like them to have it, she went to bed still chattering and shouting goodnight Pip. SS10 was a bit disappointed it isn't a chihuahua but came around pretty quick and he got excited about fighting off bullies for him/her and dressing them up like baby yoda.

My heart could not feel more full than it does right now, one of my greatest joys will be to see all of our children together. I am not naive enough to think that this ride will always be plain sailing - blended families rarely are but tonight has, eventually, been a joyous evening and to know that long after M and I have gone our children will continue to have each other and look after each other couldn't make me happier and just shows me how right it was to go ahead with this and how pleased I am that we got to this stage.

Feeling like a very lucky and privileged girl today and excited to share our news with the rest of our families ❤