To our darling embryo,
You have been in my tummy for 6 days now. We are 6DP5DT. The day you were put in my tummy was the most unique of days. The day after Easter Monday and both bright gorgeous sunshine and crazy snow flurries. It was warm in the sun and freezing in the wind. It looked like a perfectly crisp winters morning but lambs were playing in the fields- literally, I'm not being poetic. A perfect contrast; which pretty much sums up this bat-crap crazy journey we've had so far.
I thought I was going to wet myself (literally - they were pressing right on my bladder) and was terrified I'd do something wrong but M was right there holding my hand, asking questions and absorbing everything. We were just stunned at how something so clinical and medical could feel so intimate too. We shed a few tears, thanked everyone so very much, hugged for a crazy amount of time, got dressed and left with you with us. First stop McDonald's - if you know you know! If you don't there is a superstition that maccy's fries help - any excuse though! Followed by the long trip back down the motorway.
The excitement is very real, but so is the fear. For this first time ever I am PUPO, we have a tiny you inside me,whether you are still there on test day or not is for only you to know at the moment. You're very much Schrödinger's embryo. Until test day you can both be treated as still there or not there - this completely blows my mind and the 2ww has been the hardest part of this journey so far for me.
Symptom wise it can all be attributed to the meds as much as early pregnancy symptoms. I have been so tearful since transfer, I had odd cramps for the first few days but nothing really the last two days, I have been dog tired and my boobs are huge. These symptoms are all early pregnancy, they are also all progesterone side effects so until we find out for sure I choose to believe you're there, you're growing safe and strong and you're sticking around.
We both agreed to not test early, and we are going to do it together - just like every other part of this journey. M is the most incredible man who has put up with all of my whining, tears and strops without the slightest complaint. Men in fertility treatment can be easily excluded by the clinics or covid or just biologically as it isn't happening to them but we want to make sure M is as involved as humanly possible.
But back to you, each day I talk or sing (sorry!) to you. I am permanently aware of my stomach and what may or may not be happening within. Each day M touches my tummy, cradles you in there at night and we talk about our potential future with you, what you may be, 1 baby? 2? None? and what that may mean. Test day will change us forever but how? I so hope its tears of happiness on the day - but whether you're with us for always or just for this little while, it's been an honour and we love and want you so much.
M (your daddy) and I really enjoyed the day, we had the long drive north to the clinic, chatting to family and friends on the way, receiving all of their love and luck for you. Arrived and gowned up. It was so surreal, they started by giving us a picture of you, then got me in to position, brought out you in a catheter and we watched tiny dot you getting placed in, a light patch in my dark uterus - symbolic maybe!
I thought I was going to wet myself (literally - they were pressing right on my bladder) and was terrified I'd do something wrong but M was right there holding my hand, asking questions and absorbing everything. We were just stunned at how something so clinical and medical could feel so intimate too. We shed a few tears, thanked everyone so very much, hugged for a crazy amount of time, got dressed and left with you with us. First stop McDonald's - if you know you know! If you don't there is a superstition that maccy's fries help - any excuse though! Followed by the long trip back down the motorway.
The excitement is very real, but so is the fear. For this first time ever I am PUPO, we have a tiny you inside me,whether you are still there on test day or not is for only you to know at the moment. You're very much Schrödinger's embryo. Until test day you can both be treated as still there or not there - this completely blows my mind and the 2ww has been the hardest part of this journey so far for me.
Symptom wise it can all be attributed to the meds as much as early pregnancy symptoms. I have been so tearful since transfer, I had odd cramps for the first few days but nothing really the last two days, I have been dog tired and my boobs are huge. These symptoms are all early pregnancy, they are also all progesterone side effects so until we find out for sure I choose to believe you're there, you're growing safe and strong and you're sticking around.
We both agreed to not test early, and we are going to do it together - just like every other part of this journey. M is the most incredible man who has put up with all of my whining, tears and strops without the slightest complaint. Men in fertility treatment can be easily excluded by the clinics or covid or just biologically as it isn't happening to them but we want to make sure M is as involved as humanly possible.
But back to you, each day I talk or sing (sorry!) to you. I am permanently aware of my stomach and what may or may not be happening within. Each day M touches my tummy, cradles you in there at night and we talk about our potential future with you, what you may be, 1 baby? 2? None? and what that may mean. Test day will change us forever but how? I so hope its tears of happiness on the day - but whether you're with us for always or just for this little while, it's been an honour and we love and want you so much.
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